Becoming, always becoming, a MORE Equitable Educator: Reflections on my learning

Image of a woman with a handbag on a purple background.
 Text reads: MIT Teaching Systems lab Becoming a more equitable educator.

ABOUT THE COURSE AND MY ROLE

In my role as a community teaching assistant for the MIT Teaching Systems Lab course Becoming a More Equitable Educator, I have learned a lot, interacted with a great variety of educators, and written more than I could have ever imagined.

However, my learning, both from being a student in this course and from participating as a teaching assistant, has been wide ranging and also very action oriented. This is the place for me to talk about what I've done with some of that learning.

USING COMMUNITY ASSETS

image of a two people chatting on a computer and table. 
Text reads: Using community assets. Who are the experts in my community? 
What assets do I have?

During the course, educators are asked to develop a map of community assets. I did not realize that this asset map would serve as a foundation for a great deal of the work that I would do for this past year. I found allies and tapped into an amazing community of educators who had a lot to share about their own work in becoming more equitable.

I felt empowered- because of a new job and a strong sense of wanting to do something- to bring some educators together and create some trainings and resources to address equity in my teaching community. 

Here are some of those trainings and discussions:

Connecting with Students of Color with John Bracey

Understanding and Using Inclusive Language with Abelardo Almazán-Vázquez

Staying true to yourself (with Elicia Cárdenas)

This is equity related, just not directly. It is about making principled choices in teaching, albeit in a very specific context of comprehension based communicative language teaching. The more I explore this topic, the more I am sure that this is about equity.

A conversation on equity and engagement: what does it look like in 2020
with Bob Patrick, Meredith White, John Bracey, Dahiana Castro, and Elicia Cárdenas

Becoming an anti-racist educator: where to begin? by Elicia Cárdenas

EXAMINING OUR STATUS QUO

image: stack of books. Text reads: examining our status quo. 
What are commonly accepted practices that no longer fit with my goals of becoming more equitable? 

There are a lot of commonly accepted practices in world language classes, especially around assessment, that I felt like I needed to really dig into and ask if they were practices that were in line with my goals of becoming more equitable. It turns out that I had a lot to say about engagement, grading accuracy, participation, and more. I *still* have more to say, so when I write more, I will add it.

Title: Grammar teacher Goal: Language Acquisition

Addresses equity in our choice of pedagogy 

Things to Avoid: Grading Accuracy, Participation, and Engagement/Effort

The A Word: (Accountability)   Part 1 and Part 2: Reframing Accountability in a comprehension based classroom

UNDERSTANDING THE ROLE OF SELF CARE IN EQUITY WORK

image of a woman with a large heart. Text reads: Understanding the role of self care. 
How does taking care of myself help me be more equitable? 

This idea has been slowly coalescing and is still in its infancy. It started with a truly transformative experience at the People of Color Conference in a session about the trauma of equity work. I realized that I was carrying around a great deal of trauma from my experiences in working as part of an Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion team. Like- A LOT. While that workshop was specifically focused on healing from trauma, it made me start to wonder:

How can taking care of myself and putting myself first help me be a more equitable educator? Here's what I came up with:

I can be my best self, more often.

If I am well rested and not stressed, I am less likely to react, and more likely to either notice a situation that is going off the rails before it happens or respond in a way that is kind and patient. Hangry me just snaps, gets annoyed, and kicks kids out or shamed them (we have all done it, and I am not proud of it). 

When I show up with my best self, I am much more likely to have an equity mindset. I am more likely to look at any student in any given moment with an asset based and context centered mindset.  

I can focus on what is important, more often. 

If I am taking care of myself and not spending every extra minute doing things that I hate (e.g. grading for the sake of grading, marking errors, etc.), I might also be taking more time to plan better lessons, to create time in my lessons to check in with students, creating or finding better resources, or (gasp) even connecting with other teachers to support my practice. 

This has played out for me in some really significant ways: by being more intentional about how I spend my contract hours, by setting clear boundaries with myself and with others (and still keeping my job!), and being intentional about how I spend my time at school, I found that I had a lot more energy to plan better lessons and find amazing resources, with which to plan better lessons. Prioritizing a manageable work-week was a game changer. Also, it made me sleep better, spend more time doing the things I love, which led to less stress and me being my best self.

I have more energy and resiliency.

I have more energy and resiliency to have hard conversations, to take risks as an educator, and to practice being aware (instead of avoidant).  

I started to explore this idea in a handful of earlier blog posts (What Matters Most and Simplify) but the difference between what I wrote then and what I am thinking now is that self care is not just a nice thing to do, it is vital to be able to engage in the day-to-day work of becoming a more equitable educator. 

Image: people dancing with joy. Text reads: I can be my best self, more often. I
 can focus on what is important, more often. I have more energy and resiliency.

CONCLUSION

What a funny thing to write! There is no end. It's not like I have magically reached "equitable". It is a life-long process. I am constantly learning and un-learning. I am exploring the intersection of anti-blackness, fatphobia, and the role of white supremacy in eating disorders and the thin ideal. I am examining my own intersectional identities as a white skinned chicana, as my family digs out evidence of our very near indigenous roots, and looking at my role as a descendent of colonizers and of those who were colonized.  I am grappling with social media activism (and its harm) and growing my own capacity to be a leader. These are not easy things. 

So, no conclusion, sorry! 

(The course from MIT Teaching Systems Lab ends on August 26, 2021.)

What matters most

Alyssa Campbell, of Seed & Sew, spoke recently in the Summer SOMOS Fun Club episode on Classroom Management about self care.  She talked about it in context of collaborative emotional processing.  Because (this is my take away), you can't take care of your emotions or support other people in their emotions if you don't take care of yourself, and the root of our interactions in classrooms is emotional.  This got me thinking a lot about self care and why I am such a nut about going to bed early on school nights.  It also made me thing about my Lunchtime talk at iFLT 19, which touched on a similar theme.

 Slideshow of lunchtime talk: Obsessed with assessment           

Video of Lunchtime talk (Must be part of the SOMOS Collaboration group on FB to view)

Self Care

What does self care have to do with language acquisition? Well, let me go back to some fundamentals that I believe.

There is only one thing that really matters when it comes to language acquisition.  (And it is *not* assessment, despite what you may think after spending time on this blog!)

There is one thing that creates language in people's heads.

There are, of course, factors affecting how that language is created and how our classes function.

Let's go back to what the Coaching from the Heart model uses to frame teacher's work.  There are two goals in an acquisition driven class:

1. The communication takes place using language that is understood by the students (comprehensible and comprehendED).
2. The class is an environment where students feel safe and want to take risks.

Comprehensible and ComprehendED Language

Trainers talk a lot about how to be comprehensible.  Sarah Breckley just made this incredible video with a lot of specific ideas on how to do it. If you go to a workshop or conference focused on input, you will find a lot of beginner sessions focused on how to speak so your students understand.  (Maybe we need more).

Some strategies for observation,
reflection, and reference by
Martina Bex

Martina and I collaborated earlier this year to make this resource for reflection, reference, and observation. It has all kinds of strategies to link meaning.

Being comprehensible and comprehendED is not easy and it takes a lot of intentional focus, but there are skills that can be taught and practiced.   Here is a great blog post from Martina about being comprehensible.


And of course, we can speak all day long and think that we are being comprehensible, but we also have to make sure that students understand what we say. We do this with constant formative assessment.  For many, this is asking a ton of questions, looking in their eyes, doing comprehension checks, and more.  


Then there is the work of making every student feel safe and willing to take language risks.  For me, this is hard work.  I have to create a community where students feel secure, one that is predictable as well as emotionally and physically safe.  

And I teach middle school, which means I have to work really, really hard to keep them interested in what I have to say. (That is why TPRS is my go-to!) While there is not really any evidence that the input needs to be compelling for language acquisition to occur, there is a lot of evidence that middle school students better be interested in what is going on or the whole class will fall apart.

Me, after a day of teaching
But it does get easier!  

All that is exhausting. Like, really, really exhausting.

One thing that I observed when I first started teaching with TPRS and focusing on input was my own level of exhaustion shot up.  A lot.  I was drained- so fully that I felt empty at the end of the day.  This exhaustion came from watching the kids, interacting with them, and monitoring every single pair of eyes (and body language) for a full hour (per class) all day, and making minute adjustments constantly to make sure each and every kiddo was comprehending and felt safe. It was exhausting. It still is. Every. Single. Day. (It does get easier, friends.  It really does.)

 This is what it sounds like in my head while I am teaching:

Amber looked sad when she came in today I wonder if she slept at her mom's or not. Better give her a smile and oh wait Jamil is starting to turn to Hamish so I am going to walk over to them right now before he even opens his mouth, but now Brian looks like he is going to fall asleep so I better check that he is following along and I wonder if Hailey is taking notes like we agreed or if she is writing a note about what happened at lunch and I don't think that everyone understands hacer SUP so I better comp check that and maybe I should put up that cute picture of Juniper on the paddleboard but I don't know where my phone is and I bet Joe wants to tell the whole class what he told me earlier so how can I give him a yes/no question that he can answer and understand?  

AND AT THE SAME TIME (while pointing or gesturing to words that I am not sure they know) saying:

"Clase, ¿Qué hiciste durante el fin de semana?  Yo pasé tiempo con mi perrita y mi esposo. Fuimos ..what does the mos mean?...we... Fuimos al lago Jordanelle para hacer SUP.  What did we do? We SUPped.  Hicimos SUP.  A Juniper no le gusta hacer SUP pero le gusta pasar tiempo con nosotros. Does Juniper like to SUP?  No.  ¿Qué hicicte tú? ¿Quién fue a las montañas?  Joe, ¿Fuiste a las montañas con tu familia?" 

(Class, what did you do during the weekend?  I spent time with my little dog and my husband. We went...what does the mos at the end of the word mean...we...We went to Jordanelle Lake to SUP. What did we do? We SUPped.  Juniper does not like to SUP but she likes to spend time with us.  Does Juniper like to SUP?  What did you do? Who went to the mountains?  Joe, did you go to the mountains with your family?)  

Yeah. That's HARD.  All that empathy and being open to receiving what the students are broadcasting (emotionally) while at the same time trying to herd the middle school cats AND speak in another language and make sure they understand... It is hard.

That is why self-care is so important to me.  

I can't control what happens to those kids outside my classroom, outside of the few hours a week that they are in my class. I can't keep them safe, I can't feed them, and I can't make puberty any easier.

But what I can control is what happens in my classroom: how much input they get and how fun things are.  (Which includes how safe, how interesting, and how comprehensible.)

And the only way I can possibly have the energy to create the classroom environment that I want to have is to care for myself.

So, I choose (my) life.

I choose input over pointless assessments, over grading everything, over activities that do not help students acquire. (I do what I have to do to keep my job, don't get me wrong. I *do* assess and grade, I just do it in the easiest way possible.)

I choose to spend my time working on getting better at providing compelling input. (Because middle school.)

I choose students over curriculum. (Read more here about some big mindset shifts that I believe in, including this one.)

I choose my passions.  I choose to engage in hard work that is important to dismantle systemic inequalities.

I choose to go outside and do something I am not very good at. (Painting plein aire.)

It feels great.  

I choose my well-being.

I choose my family.  As I said in my iFLT lunchtime talk: I only have a few years on this earth with my father.  I am not going to prioritize grading papers over a trip to visit my folks.

I actively try to simplify my teaching life to what matters most for language acquisition: input and emotional safety (sometimes known as low affective filter). And love.

For me, this means choosing one curriculum and not letting my squirrel brain follow the next great idea down the blogosphere.

It means treating my time as if it was as precious as my money. (It is.)

It means prioritizing things that give me joy (writing, painting, mentoring other teachers, learning more about second language acquisition, teaching a graduate methods class, walking the dog) and help replenish my heart so that I can go in and give my full attention to my kids.  It means advocating for myself and saying no and letting people (admins and friends and my husband) know when I need support.

Don't get me wrong-my husband wonders why I have a second job, and I don't always get to bed on time, and some days I don't get the workout or yoga session that I wanted, and other days I go in and snap at the kids or have no patience.  I am human, and far from perfect.  But I can honestly say that I am in control of my professional life, and I have a personal life too.

Resources

Here are some of my favorite resources about self-care.  In particular, Angela Watson's work, especially her book Fewer things, Better, has inspired me.  (The following links below take you to articles and podcasts by Angela.)

• Your classroom does not have to be Pinterest-worthy
• Stop feeling overwhelmed and overscheduled
• Which aspects of teaching can you let go of?  
• When is it ok to say you have done enough for a student? 

Erica Peplinsky and others (Megan Hayes, Justin Slocum Bailey) have all done some great work (blog posts, presentations) about self care as well.

So, as the year begins, how will you take care of yourself?  What will you choose?